she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
