Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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