problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
