Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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