if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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