dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You were trust falling into bushes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
