found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
