I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
