I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
