No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
