two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
