I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize