Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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