when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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