oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
