I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
