I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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