Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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