What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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