If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just blew my weed a kiss
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
