No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
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it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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