Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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