recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
