We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
