eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
