I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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