I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
