normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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