I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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