Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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