You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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