He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
