apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Enjoy the penises
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
