I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
