I love black thongs
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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