I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
