she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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