then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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