there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Will exercising make me less horny?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
