I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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