u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
