do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
