Kiss
Puke
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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