Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
