My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
