my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
