porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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