I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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