Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
