I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
