I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
