Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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