Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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