Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
