3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think my tv is drunk
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
