this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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