it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize