These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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