I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
