Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
