he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
