just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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