im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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