i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
