I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
