Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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