so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
