If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
