he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
