i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
