What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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