I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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