Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
